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There's a big difference between cheap and frugal, bro. I feel like I have to end this with a "l'chaim," so … Jewish food is delicious when done right and, again, by "right" I mean exactly the way it was prepared for me each holiday growing up. It's a result of years of killing it on the bar mitzvah, camp, and college circuits. Worried about your potentially awkward upcoming work dinner? Though you may be astounded by how many ways things that happened this year can be related back to the summer of 2007, remember my fondness for camp is rooted in my unbreakable fondness for tradition and my love of all things family. …And your trip to Israel was probably great too but it wasn't as great as her Birthright trip. Consider this your friendly reminder to not call people things if you don't really know what they mean. If you can't handle me at my mild mishegas, you don't deserve me at my best kvelling … It is my job as a Jew to live life to the fullest in all ways and I take that responsibility very seriously, man. It's this loyalty that makes me an incredible friend and an incredibly solid partner. Maybe it's the fact I've had someone call me something terrible because of my religion in the past or maybe it is just what I've been taught from a young age, but when I have my people, I'm with them for good.
One last tip, always put down “I do the hora all night long” under ballroom dancing.
It should read: I am a Talmid Chacham, a Torah scholar. I eat kosher but don’t trust any kosher organizations. You don’t want to miss out on the love of your life because of a Chihuahua.
To attract the right Jew, this part of your profile must have you looking like the best Jew. I want a huge family to spend all day together with. (Make sure anything you put down in your profile is for the whole day) I do the morning service into the afternoon. I go to the Catskills Mountains all summer and head down to Florida all winter. Because nobody wants the pressure of walking down the aisle with someone who stands so close to cliffs on hikes.
If you are a man, best to just write, “I want a beautiful Shabbos table.” Nothing else. As a guy, please do not say you are looking for somebody who you are attracted to. I have seen that on many women’s’ profiles and nobody is offended by that. Either that or they think that playing basketball once a week is a body type. You can see David in the 'Israel Comedy Experience' and his other one-man stand-up shows every week, at Jerusalem's Off The Wall Comedy Theater.
Most women write they want “a man with his head on his shoulders.” “Somebody with his feet on the ground.” “Somebody who plays with a full deck of cards.” I suggest you shorten this and let people know that you are looking for people who have a body that is connected and don’t cheat at the casino. Say, “I am looking for a beautiful Shabbos table.” If you are a woman, you can say you are looking for a tall, dark, handsome man, who strikes your fancy. This is where you list stuff that you haven’t done in thirty years. When filling out your body type, write “athletic.” This is what most Jews do, because single Jewish people are all a bunch of liars. David has appeared on “Beep,” Israel ’s comedy network, Tzchok Me Avodah, starred on Jerusalem Ha Dashot, and has been hailed by the tough Israeli media as a “rising star” who possesses “Seinfeldian charm” when he takes to the stage.